Dr. Joe Vitale

Holiday Forgiveness and Gratitude

Thank You, I Love You, Please Forgive Me

What is it that makes the difference and more importantly what can we do to make our experiences of family gatherings fun, joyful and a supportive experience?

For some people being together as a family is the joyous, celebratory part of a holiday. For others the events of holiday gatherings are stressful and challenging.

I am reminded of a story my sister-in-law told me several years ago. She was working in retail when a customer asked her what her plans for the holiday were, and she responded by saying the whole family was gathering at her sister-in-law’s home. Her customer began to offer her sympathy, and when she said how much she was looking forward to it, her customer was shocked. My sister-in-law commented that in her family were people she considered her dearest friends. Her customer was surprised and then went on to express the dread of being with her own family.

At the time I remember us being grateful that we had the family we did and the relationship of being both friends and family, not only in loving one another but also in the support and encouragement we shared not only with one another but within the family structure. Today I considered what makes the difference in these two very different experiences of families gathering for the holidays. It seems that these diverse experiences of family life and family gatherings are common. What is it that makes the difference and, more importantly, what can we do to make our experiences of family gatherings fun, joyful and a supportive experience?

When we look at the structure of the family two vital factors come to my mind. They are love and forgiveness. How the love is expressed or all too often not expressed is a significant part of family gatherings and whether or not we leave those events happy and fulfilled or disappointed and frustrated. By the time a family gathers together, there has been a lifetime of experiences. Expectations and what we desire and need from one another have colored our history of family gatherings and unless we consciously do something different the best predictor of what will happen is what has happened in the past.

However, we do not have to be tied to the past. We have the ability to change and transform the dynamic of these events by what we bring to the event in our thoughts and with our actions. We have the power to act rather than merely react. When we take that power, we change our experience and provide the opportunity to heal relationships in ways beyond our imaginings.

Forgiveness is the final form of love.
~ Reinhold Niebuhr

One essential key to facilitating transformation of family gatherings is forgiveness, and the other is love. Although there is a great deal that can be said (read my other forgiveness posts) in these two areas instead of thinking and theorizing on these. I suggest a dynamic experiment that you can do. It requires no agreement or participation from anyone else. It is very simple and yet both powerful and empowering. No one needs to know you are doing this.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
~ Lewis B. Smedes

This exercise incorporates the very powerful forces of Love, Forgiveness and Gratitude. They involve saying in your mind specific repetitive phrases when observing the behaviors of those around you. You can shift freely and fluidly between these phrases. You can choose them at will. For as much of the time you are with your family as you find possible, repeat these phrases in your mind. You may find your own variations and expressions of the phrases. Keep repeating the phrases no matter what is happening or what anyone is doing. Beyond using the power of your mind, there is nothing you need to do or say. There is no reason to explain or belabor this, just repeat these phrases in your mind and heart.

The Phrases are:

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

I forgive you

I forgive myself

You may find other similar thoughts flow through your mind. You may find yourself lured by specifics. Let yourself be freed from your entire past “story” and return to repeating these simple phrases in your mind. The past is over. The future is unwritten. At this moment, right now, just repeat these simple phrases.

The past is over. The future is unwritten.
~ Genevieve Gerard

You may observe dramatic changes in others from doing this experiment. You may only experience a change in yourself. You may not see any response or effect. That does not matter.

It is not important to explain or express anything to anyone. The transformation you are creating in this experiment happens on a subtle energetic level. Just return to repeating in your mind the phrases and carry on with what you are doing.

Please continue with this by continuing to repeat these phrases for the duration of your family gathering.

I would love to hear from you about your experience with this experiment. On my website I have a section called Transformation Stories. You are invited to share your experiences there.

Please note: The phrases included here are a minor modification of the teachings of Hoʻoponopono [ho-o-pono-pono] (an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.)

You can find more about this in a book by Dr. Joe Vitale and Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, titled “Zero Limits”

Thank you,

The Blessing of Love on all that you do.

Namaste

Genevieve Gerard

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