Breaking Through To Forgiveness
Breaking Through To Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a subject that I write about frequently. This is because in my life, in my experience, whenever I have been able to forgive someone, my life changed and improved in a dramatic and dynamic way.
Not so long ago, when speaking with my much-loved Aunt Merle, we were talking about my writing and teachings, and my efforts to use my life lessons for the benefit of others.
I commented to her that forgiveness was something I knew a great deal about and that I had become very good at it.
My aunt, who knew many of the challenges I had experienced in my life’s journey, got very quiet for a moment. Then she said with love and compassion in her voice, “Perhaps dear that is because you had so much that needed to be forgiven, happen in your life.”
That statement gave me pause. It is certainly true that my life has provided, possibly like yours, so many experiences and situations that were so awful that I rarely speak about them. In my mind, I just consider them my own personal horror stories. I frankly rarely think of them anymore. Still they are a part of my past, a past I have been able to be free of through my ability to forgive. Because forgiveness freed me.
By forgiving, I was able to let what was in the past, not be a factor in my present.
It is in light of this awareness that I write today to encourage you to forgive.
It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But, it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.
– Tyler Perry
Moreover, I encourage you to do it for what it will do for you and how it will impact your life.
It has always fascinated me that the most powerful and significant impact that forgiving had, was for me, rather than upon those I had forgiven. In fact it is not even necessary for those you forgive to know you have forgiven them. My forgiving freed me from carrying the pain. My forgiving permitted me to heal and move forward in my life.
Forgiveness is not always easy…
And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.
– Marianne Williamson
When I think back to the moment that I was able to fully and finally forgive, I feel such joy remembering the relief and release that I experienced, it still makes me smile.
Energetically, when I broke through to forgiveness there was a shift that felt like a thousand hurts and burdens shattering, like tempered glass, into refuse on the floor of my life, that could now be cleaned up and swept away.
Up until that moment I knew that I had only attempted to forgive, I even told myself that I had forgiven the myriad of betrayals and cruelties I was made to suffer. I persisted, and with each attempt I paved the way that helped me reach a point where I could finally and totally forgive, and with each attempt to forgive the burden got lighter.
In fact, I had been working on forgiving much of my life. It is as if I knew from an early age, even in the midst of being subjected to terrible acts and situations that I needed to find it in my heart to forgive. In fact, when I shared what was happening in my life and what I was being subjected to in terms of abuse with teachers, preachers and counselors; they advised me to return love and forgiveness. And I certainly tried.
It was only when I realized that an important part of forgiveness was acknowledging the wrongness of what I had been subjected to, that I could release the anger that I was carrying. Otherwise, in the words of my spiritual mentor it was “premature transcendence.” Honoring and admitting the reality of my anger was important.
Actually, it was only when my own spiritual journey took me to doing A Course on Miracles and I entered a phase of daily seed thoughts and affirmations on forgiveness, that I was ultimately able to forgive sufficiently and to be truly free.
Two seed thoughts that had a profound impact upon me, which were offered back to back, and which I spent days contemplating on I offer to you now. They are, “forgiveness is the key to happiness” and, “forgiveness offers everything I want.”
Doing, Not Trying
I had been doing spiritual work in A Course in Miracles when my business travel placed me in a situation where I felt compelled to visit my Mother. In my life, much of what I needed to forgive was centered on my relationship with my Mother. Some for what she did, but much for what she failed to do, for the ways she left me vulnerable and unprotected.
When I found myself face to face with her after many years of my avoiding being subjected to her cruelty, and the memories that being with her made inescapable, I thought I might as well put into practice what I had been learning.
I went into my visit with my mother determined to not fall victim to her abuse. I had decided that I would not give her the power to push my buttons. (Up until that time, her behavior stimulated a response in me that I did not like and was vastly different from my usual self.)
Certainly, it is true for most people that their Mother knows exactly what to say or do to push their buttons. That was very true for me. My Mother’s strongest weapon was her poison tongue. Her vitriolic attacks and demeaning insults were only a part of what I needed to forgive, but they were something that had continued even after her failure to protect me from others was no longer relevant, because as an adult I could now protect myself. These verbal attacks made it hard to be with her.
In addition, although I could never understand how or why she seemed to enjoy being mean and cruel, I knew that I needed to find a way to not be her victim.
When, in the course of our visit she said something that was both demeaning and cruel, something shifted in me. This was not new behavior for her and certainly not new in our troubled relationship. What was new was how I reacted to it. I looked at her and instead of being angry, I returned love. I maintained my center and did not react. In fact, I recall feeling a deep sadness.
Then, the most amazing thing happened. When I did not respond in kind by saying something mean and cruel back to her, she became angrier. She became frustrated as she lobbed insult after insult at me. As I stayed centered in myself and not reactive she became so angry and so frustrated that she ultimately insulted herself back for me. She did this by saying “I know what you are going to say is…” Ironically, what she said had never even crossed my mind.
What I then said, from my center, calmly was “I didn’t say that Mother, you did. Is that how you feel?”
In that moment, I was finally able to break through and forgive her. In that moment, I became free. I knew that for as long as we lived after that point I had the power to be who I was and not give her the power to control my behavior. In that moment, I discovered the amazing power of turning the other cheek.
In forgiving her, I was now free. That moment changed our entire relationship and that change remained until she passed from this life.
That does not mean that she was never mean again. Of course not. She was who she was. She did, over time come to appreciate the forgiveness I had given her, but the significant change was in me. The freedom and the release was mine, and that freedom and release allowed me to be in her company and be true to myself. To be who I had become in life.
There are in other articles I have written on forgiveness meditations and techniques that I have shared to assist you. I encourage you to consider them on your own quest to learn to forgive.
Forgiveness often contains many layers. Each time you forgive a wrong you peel away a layer and weaken the hold that the hurt has on you.
At its core, forgiveness is tied into love. The more you can love, the more you can forgive. The more you can forgive the more your compassion is stimulated as you understand better the factors that led to the circumstances you are striving to forgive. I encourage you and will continue to offer guidance and support on your quest to forgive.
When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.
– Bernard Medtzer
Over the next 4 days I will post daily seed thoughts on forgiveness to support you through my Imagine 1 Minute social posts (please follow me on Facebook and Twitter.) Also, keep checking back, I am sure I will write again on the subject of forgiveness.
I invite you to experience the freedom that forgiveness gives. I encourage you to find it in your heart to forgive whatever horrors you may have been subjected to in your life. Your intention provides power.
Honestly own your anger and then let it all go with forgiveness.
Forgiveness Affirmations
To help you forgive here are some affirmations that you can use:
I Forgive You
&
I forgive myself for letting you harm me.
By forgiving you, I release you from our mutual past.
&
By forgiving you, I release me from the past.
By forgiving myself, I am now free of the past
I am sorry for all the time I reacted with anger.
&
I forgive myself for the times and ways I failed to love.
Now is a new moment, forgiveness enables me to open to new possibilities.
&
Forgiveness frees me to have the life that I desire.
What I receive by forgiving is freedom; freedom to free myself from old hurts, freedom to let go of the past. With forgiveness you are able to break free of old established patterns in relationships.
Most importantly, after you have forgiven, there is an opportunity for healing.
Forgiveness allows you to leave what has happened in the past where it truly belongs, in the past. This frees you from constantly needing to relive it or react to it.
It is even possible to develop a new bond and a way of being with the person you have forgiven that is much more satisfying and gratifying than what had preceded.
Forgiveness changes everything because forgiveness changes you.
– Genevieve Gerard
On the heels of forgiveness comes the chance to build something new and different. You are able to shed the anger that held you captive and limited, and give yourself the ability to move forward in your life. Ultimately, forgiveness permits both compassion and understanding to emerge. Ponder on this!
Namaste,
Genevieve
The Blessing of Love on all that you do!
P.S. I see that I have 20 other posts on forgiveness. Some offer tools and techniques that may be of help to you.
You may also be interested in my 5-star guided meditation called “How To Forgive Yourself: Let Go Of The Past and Release Your Pain And Sorrow.” Because when forgiving another, it often brings up the need to forgive yourself for not standing up for yourself or letting another harm you. This seems to be true whether you had any control over their actions or not.
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- The Last Step in Forgiveness
- Unlocking the Power to Forgive
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- Forgiving the Unforgivable
Last updated 2-21-2018
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