Are You Still Carrying the Past?

There is an old Koan that tells a story of two monks who were traveling from their monastery to a neighboring monastery far away.

Now a Koan is a story that Zen masters of old told to impart an important lesson.

A Koan is a story the student is to ponder to learn an underlying truth that leads them to intuitive enlightenment.

Long ago in my spiritual training, my Zen Master told this one to me. It is one of my favorite stories. Today I share it with you.

The Story

Two monks were traveling on a long journey. As was the way of the times, they were walking. Their journey eventually took them to a stream that was rapid and overflowing. As they were considering the best way to cross the stream, a beautiful maiden approached them.

It was the tradition of Buddhist monks that they take vows of celibacy so these monks had little experience with or exposure to beautiful maidens. The woman explained that she must get to the other side of the flooded stream and had not been able to cross. She asked for help.

One of the monks, upon hearing of her difficulty swept the woman up into his arms and carried her across the flooded water. He gently deposited the maiden on the opposite bank. She thanked him profusely. Then he walked on.

When his brother monk had also made his way across the stream, the two monks traveled on. As they walked, there was an uncomfortable silence between them. The brother monk seemed to be agitated and annoyed.

Eventually the monk inquired of his brethren monk what the cause of his distress was. The monk finally blurted out in anger and judgment. “I don’t understand how and why you could touch that woman. We, monks, have vowed to have nothing to do with a woman.”

After a few moments of considering what had distressed his brother the monk stated calmly “Brother, I left the woman back at the stream, are you still carrying her?”

This simple Koan speaks to the distress that is trapped in judgments and anger. The longer you hold onto that judgment and that anger the more you are trapped and limited from moving on. Clinging to your anger and righteous indignation can keep you from enjoying and appreciating what re opportunities and possibilities are before you. Clinging to those feelings, especially holding on to resentments keep you unable to see what is available in the present, in the moment, in the NOW.

I have always liked this simple story because it is clear that the angry monk did no harm to anyone but himself. The Buddha is reported to have said “It is not that you will be punished for your anger, but that you will be punished by your anger.” Ponder on this.

To carry your anger forward from the event that initially created the anger is one of the most significant ways we interfere in our own happiness, our ability to enjoy life, and our ability to experience true joy.

EXPERIENCING EMOTIONS

Of course, it is natural for us all to experience anger. That is an unavoidable part of our human experience. However, once someone has done something that makes you angry you get to decide how long you wish to carry it with you. In that decision, you decide how much you choose to be hurt and ultimately held back by the anger.

An emotion, any emotion, but particularly a strong emotion like anger has a flow to it, much like diving into a pool of water. When you dive, you know instinctively how deep into the water to take the dive before you naturally and spontaneously turn to the sky and come out of the dive.

When you take that natural and spontaneous feeling of anger and layer it with judgment (they shouldn’t have done that to me), resentment (I deserve to be treated better) and any of the other justifications you can create to cling to the anger, you are prolonging the pain of the initial injury. This is where you have a choice that can have a far-reaching impact on your life. This is the crucial point where the choices you make have an impact on how much joy you have.

In the thrall of your anger, judgment and righteous resentment at the wrong, it may be difficult to see that you have a choice. But anything beyond that initial spontaneous flash of the emotion of the anger is within your control, your choice. You might ask what you can do other than experience the outrage? You might wonder what choice I am talking about. You could feel completely trapped in that past event and see no possible solutions; after all, you were wronged.

Aren’t you totally justified being angry and resentful? To that, I say yes that may be true. But I ask you for your consideration, why would you choose to? What happened, whatever happened, is now in the past. The question I would ask for your consideration is what does bringing it into the present and carrying it with you give you? It certainly does not make you happy.

You can let go of the past pain, sorrow or injury by coming into present time and releasing the past. That immediately frees you from the burden of carrying old hurts. I understand it may require forgiving the person who hurt you. They may well not even deserve your forgiveness. The freedom that your forgiveness gives is to you, not them. The life forgiveness most influences is yours.

FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is a way that you can put what is past behind you and move forward in your life to whatever new experience and adventure that life places before you. You do not have to choose to carry old hurts and waves of anger around with you. Ironically, the person who wronged you may not ever know that you forgave them. That really is not important. If you are in an ongoing relationship with that person they may sense it on some intuitive level, or you may choose to tell them. However, the most important change that takes place when you release an old anger is within you.

By forgiving, you are now free. You are no longer limiting your ability to seize the new opportunities that are unfolding before you because of something outside of this moment. By choosing to let go of the past you are empowering your life.

A SIMPLE FORGIVENESS TECHNIQUE

A very simple technique of forgiveness that I have found to be very freeing and very powerful comes from an old Hawaiian teaching called Hoʻoponopono [ho-o-pono-pono] (an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.) Please note, I have added a few additional phrases to the standard teaching.

The Traditional Phrases are:

I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.

The additional phrases that I sometimes also add are:

I forgive you.

And

I forgive myself.

The elegance of this technique is its simplicity. All you have to say in your mind is the specific repetitive phrases above when observing the behaviors of those around you. Keep repeating the phrases no matter what is happening or what anyone is doing.

Beyond using the power of your mind there is nothing you need to do or say out loud. You don’t have to belabor the circumstance; the focus on these phrases creates the release.

IN CONCLUSION

The freedom to be in the present releases you from the past and opens you up to enjoy the possibilities of the future while you experience more joy in your life at this moment.

At times, although this technique is very simple it may seem hard for you. That is OK. Simple is different from easy. When you find it difficult to release the past or forgive it, it might be revealing to ask yourself what are you getting from clinging to an old hurt or wrong.

For many the lure of clinging to the past is the reassurance that you were right, and therefore, the other persons were wrong. Certainly, that reassurance is not worth carrying the pain of the anger with you and it is not worth limiting the potential and possibilities that are emerging in your unobstructed life as the future is unfolding.

Therefore, I encourage you to choose to stop carrying the hurts of the past and open yourself up to the new opportunities that will be revealed to you. You will be happier. You will be immediately rewarded with a greater lightness and more joy.

Namaste,

Genevieve

The Blessing of Love on all that you do!

Hand-Picked Posts You Might Also Like

How to Experience True Joy
What Is Forgiveness
Holiday Forgiveness and Gratitude
Unlocking the Power to Forgive
Recommended Meditation

How to Forgive Yourself Guided Meditation
Let Go Of The Past and Release Your Pain And Sorrow

Last updated 3-20-2019

Are You Still Carrying the Past? Read More »

If Not Now

Genevieve Gerard

If Not Now… When?

Have you ever found yourself saying “if not now, when?”

Recently, I was speaking with a young woman who was caught up in the turmoil and tribulations of a divorce.

Her 10-year marriage was ending. Her older but wiser Self was realizing that she and her husband had let passion and love thrust them into marriage while they did not take the time and care to find out what was important to them in life and so, now that their relationship needed firmer ground to work through conflict, they were on a slippery slope of anger, blame and recriminations.

She described the little and big hurts and betrayals that had brought her to the realization that she had nothing more to give in this relationship. Even as they were trapped in the pain and disappointment that ending the marriage engendered, so more importantly she was trapped in the past, unable to look at what was happening in her life today, because she was viewing it through the memories and events of the past ten years.

She realized that she had made a number of mistakes over the past ten years. She was both angry at her husband and angry at herself.

As we spoke, I observed that she needed to forgive herself for her past mistakes. Interestingly, she felt that she had to wait to forgive. She thought she could forgive, both herself and him, later. She had constructed a list of events that she needed to check off her list before she felt ready to address the issue of forgiveness.

Although, this construction of what must happen before we forgive (ourselves or others) is very common, I found myself wondering and questioning “if not now, when is the time to forgive?”

I know, as one who teaches about and preaches about the importance of forgiveness, that the one who benefits the most is the forgiver, not the forgiven.

By forgiveness, both of yourself and others you are freeing yourself and releasing the past, opening your life to all of the potential and joy that you can embrace once you have shed the burden of old sorrows and circumstances.

Right now, mired in the past hurts and resentments, one’s vision is limited to seeing through a pinhole the light and potential that is available. This self-limiting constraint is all too common in life decisions. The freedom that forgiveness offers is a gift that is available whenever we finally choose to accept and embrace it, today or tomorrow.

One essential key to facilitating the transformation of family gatherings is forgiveness, and the other is love. Although there is a great deal that can be said (read my other forgiveness posts) in these two areas instead of thinking and theorizing on these. I suggest a dynamic experiment that you can do. It requires no agreement or participation from anyone else. It is very simple and yet both powerful and empowering. No one needs to know you are doing this.

Forgiveness Exercise

This exercise incorporates the very powerful forces of Love, Forgiveness, and Gratitude.

They involve saying in your mind specific repetitive phrases when observing the behaviors of those around you. You can shift freely and fluidly between these phrases. You can choose them at will.

For as much of the time you are with your family as you find possible (or someone you need to forgive), repeat these phrases in your mind. You may find your own variations and expressions of the phrases.

Keep repeating the phrases no matter what is happening or what anyone is doing. Beyond using the power of your mind, there is nothing you need to do or say. There is no reason to explain or belabor this, just repeat these phrases in your mind and heart.

The Forgiveness Phrases:

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

I forgive you

I forgive myself

You may find other similar thoughts flow through your mind. You may find yourself lured by specifics. Let yourself be freed from your entire past “story” and return to repeating these simple phrases in your mind. The past is over. The future is unwritten.

At this moment, right now, just repeat these simple phrases.

Please note: The phrases included here are a minor modification of the teachings of Hoʻoponopono [ho-o-pono-pono] (an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.) You can find more about this in a book by Dr. Joe Vitale and Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, titled “Zero Limits”.

If you, like my young friend, acknowledge that ultimately forgiving the past and both yourself and your spouse are important life tasks, and that deep within, you understand are elements of growing past your present pain and sorrow, I must ask “Why suffer any longer?”

Forgiveness is powerful and the results are immediate. Forgiveness is the portal to the present and all of the opportunities life is offering.

If, having forgiven an event or circumstance of the past, sometimes you may become aware that there were dynamics and forces in play of which you were not previously aware and while embracing and benefiting from this insight you can forgive again, releasing and freeing yourself.

Each time you forgive, each subtle nuance of understanding that you unlock can add to the compassion that you bestow on yourself or the other. You do not need to wait until you understand to forgive. Forgiveness itself unlocks the layers of shame and sorrow that hold old hurts in place.

You can unlock the doors to forgiveness by the simple thoughts “I Forgive You or I forgive myself”. The thought can be event-specific or general and amorphous and the amazing thing is it begins to unravel the past. Prayers, meditations or specific visualizations such as the one I recently created called “How to Forgive Yourself” are all helpful and beneficial, but most important is the decision to forgive, NOW.

There is no need to carry the past or let it diminish the present. The dynamic principle that energy follows thought can be activated in you and for you, right here, right now.

Namaste,

Genevieve

The Blessing of Love on all that you do.

Hand-Picked Posts You Might Also Like

Breaking Through To Forgiveness
Forgiveness Sets You Free
The Last Step in Forgiveness
Recommended Meditation

How To Forgive Yourself Guided Meditation
Release Your Pain and Sorrow and Let Go of the Past

Last updated 12-20-2019

About the author:
Genevieve Gerard teaches Transformational Consciousness – from first awakening to enlightened Soul awareness. She helps you experience the joy that results from the spontaneous “touch of your soul.”

Holiday Forgiveness and Gratitude

Genevieve Gerard

Thank You, I Love You, Please Forgive Me

What is it that makes the difference and more importantly what can we do to make our experiences of family gatherings fun, joyful and a supportive experience?

For some people being together as a family is the joyous, celebratory part of a holiday. For others the events of holiday gatherings are stressful and challenging.

I am reminded of a story my sister-in-law told me several years ago. She was working in retail when a customer asked her what her plans for the holiday were, and she responded by saying the whole family was gathering at her sister-in-law’s home. Her customer began to offer her sympathy, and when she said how much she was looking forward to it, her customer was shocked. My sister-in-law commented that in her family were people she considered her dearest friends. Her customer was surprised and then went on to express the dread of being with her own family.

At the time I remember us being grateful that we had the family we did and the relationship of being both friends and family, not only in loving one another but also in the support and encouragement we shared not only with one another but within the family structure. Today I considered what makes the difference in these two very different experiences of families gathering for the holidays. It seems that these diverse experiences of family life and family gatherings are common. What is it that makes the difference and, more importantly, what can we do to make our experiences of family gatherings fun, joyful and a supportive experience?

When we look at the structure of the family two vital factors come to my mind. They are love and forgiveness. How the love is expressed or all too often not expressed is a significant part of family gatherings and whether or not we leave those events happy and fulfilled or disappointed and frustrated. By the time a family gathers together, there has been a lifetime of experiences. Expectations and what we desire and need from one another have colored our history of family gatherings and unless we consciously do something different the best predictor of what will happen is what has happened in the past.

However, we do not have to be tied to the past. We have the ability to change and transform the dynamic of these events by what we bring to the event in our thoughts and with our actions. We have the power to act rather than merely react. When we take that power, we change our experience and provide the opportunity to heal relationships in ways beyond our imaginings.

Forgiveness is the final form of love.
~ Reinhold Niebuhr

One essential key to facilitating transformation of family gatherings is forgiveness, and the other is love. Although there is a great deal that can be said (read my other forgiveness posts) in these two areas instead of thinking and theorizing on these. I suggest a dynamic experiment that you can do. It requires no agreement or participation from anyone else. It is very simple and yet both powerful and empowering. No one needs to know you are doing this.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
~ Lewis B. Smedes

This exercise incorporates the very powerful forces of Love, Forgiveness and Gratitude. They involve saying in your mind specific repetitive phrases when observing the behaviors of those around you. You can shift freely and fluidly between these phrases. You can choose them at will. For as much of the time you are with your family as you find possible, repeat these phrases in your mind. You may find your own variations and expressions of the phrases. Keep repeating the phrases no matter what is happening or what anyone is doing. Beyond using the power of your mind, there is nothing you need to do or say. There is no reason to explain or belabor this, just repeat these phrases in your mind and heart.

The Phrases are:

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

I forgive you

I forgive myself

The past is over. The future is unwritten.
~ Genevieve Gerard

You may observe dramatic changes in others from doing this experiment. You may only experience a change in yourself. You may not see any response or effect. That does not matter.

It is not important to explain or express anything to anyone. The transformation you are creating in this experiment happens on a subtle energetic level. Just return to repeating in your mind the phrases and carry on with what you are doing.

Please continue with this by continuing to repeat these phrases for the duration of your family gathering.

I would love to hear from you about your experience with this experiment. On my website I have a section called Transformation Stories. You are invited to share your experiences there.

Please note: The phrases included here are a minor modification of the teachings of Hoʻoponopono [ho-o-pono-pono] (an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.)

You can find more about this in a book by Dr. Joe Vitale and Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, titled “Zero Limits”

Thank you,

The Blessing of Love on all that you do.

Namaste

Genevieve Gerard

P.S. Please feel free to pass this article on to others who may find it of interest (just click one of the buttons below and share it socially.)

Hoʻoponopono

Are You Still Carrying the Past?

Are You Still Carrying the Past?

The Story

EXPERIENCING EMOTIONS

FORGIVENESS

A SIMPLE FORGIVENESS TECHNIQUE

IN CONCLUSION

Hand-Picked Posts You Might Also Like

Recommended Meditation

If Not Now

If Not Now… When?

Forgiveness Exercise

The Forgiveness Phrases:

Hand-Picked Posts You Might Also Like

Recommended Meditation

Holiday Forgiveness and Gratitude

Thank You, I Love You, Please Forgive Me

What is it that makes the difference and more importantly what can we do to make our experiences of family gatherings fun, joyful and a supportive experience?

The Phrases are:

Related Posts You May Enjoy Reading: