How To Experience True Joy

This post is part of my ongoing series on Joy

The experiences of joy and sorrow while seeming to be complete opposites have something in common. That is a relationship in our ability to experience them.

When someone, as people often do, blocks off their ability to experience sorrow, as people often do when presented with painful life experiences, one of the unintended consequences is that they also limit their ability to experience joy.

I don’t know why this is true. It certainly seems like it should work to wall off our sorrows, but it doesn’t. I first observed this relationship between our ability to experience joy and sorrow way back in 1975.

I lost my Father as a young child at the age of 7. Raised in a culturally Northern European home, mourning, any display of sorrow or frankly any emotion deemed to be negative was strictly frowned upon. Crying or frankly, any emotional honesty was vehemently discouraged.

I know that this message was not limited to my coming up. It was a pervasive social norm at the time. Consider the praise heaped upon the way Jacqueline Kennedy was stoic with dry eyes as the First Lady, widow of a much-beloved president.

Strong emotions can be unsettling or frightening to others. Therefore, they are easily discouraged. Most of us feel powerless to really comfort someone when they are in the midst of heart-wrenching sorrow. It is much easier to discourage their expression of sorrow than to just be with them through their pain.

But, what I learned in 1975 when I was finally able to mourn the loss of my Father was that the unexpressed sorrow I had held in my heart for so long had also limited my ability to experience joy. In fact, there seems to be a direct correlation between these two seemingly opposite life experiences.

In describing this it seems there is almost a bandwidth in the spectrum of our emotions and it may be that we cannot limit the scope of one side of our ability to experience life without limiting the other. Perhaps the impact was so great for me because I had held back such a dramatic flood of tears behind a dam of inconsolable sorrow. But once I released the tears I had held back for over 20 years an amazing transformation began to take place in my life. I was able to feel more fully and completely than before.

The depth of my sorrow is the height of my joy.
– Genevieve Gerard

In that fertile valley of emotions that had dried up when I dried my tears at age 7 were the seeds of a deep and abiding joy. When I realized this I coined for myself the phrase that I share with you today, “The depth of my sorrow is the height of my joy.”

In choosing to embrace life, the good, the bad and the sometimes sorrowful, I opened a portal to joy and happiness. The transformations that this shift in my understanding brought into my life were far-reaching and profound. It gave me the ability to have emotions in their full depth and range, without letting the emotions limit me.

I learned that an emotion, freed to be expressed, had a natural flow to it that is analogous to a dive into a deep body of water. You go into it, as deep as feels right and that then, automatically you begin to pull up until you are free of it, washed clean and released into the light.

By granting this natural flow of experience and expression you can have emotions but then they are then released. New revelations and understanding can now flow in bringing a new awareness. This freedom to experience the full spectrum of life’s events open you to not only your joy but also an understanding and perspective on your life events and life lessons that is very freeing.

Also, the willingness to feel whatever life offers along the journey also releases a lot of the need for fear. So much of what fuels fear is the desire to avoid pain and sorrow. When you realize that the sorrow of life is something you can cope with and handle, a lot of the need for fear disappears. All of the energy you used up avoiding sorrow is now available to create the life that you envision and desire.

This understanding and awareness works into your life gradually as you grow in confidence and trust in yourself to take on life’s challenges and events as they come.

Another small piece to the puzzle is revealed when you realize that nothing is ever too much to bear when dealt with at the moment. It is only when you project it; backward or forward in time that something becomes too burdensome to bear.

At the moment you have strength. At the moment you can cope. If you let your fears drive you to think it (whatever the situation of it is) will always be this way, many of life’s challenges become too much to bear. However, in the amazing freedom of the moment, you can always handle things.

This is a great blessing that is inherent in the promise that we will never be given more than we can handle. Yes, sometimes life is sorrowful, and sometimes that sorrow seems to be more than we can bear, but it never is more than we can bear. And our bearing the sorrow, though it may leave us feeling bloodied, can be healed.

Ask yourself “Do I experience more Joy or Sorrow in my life?” Amazingly, when you keep open to the full spectrum of life, joy is as likely as sorrow, and your strength and confidence will grow with each life challenge conquered.

Remember you are part of an amazing adventure called life and you are an amazing being blessed by every lesson learned along the way. Allow yourself to really enjoy all spectrum’s of life in the moment as you let all experiences, whether in joy or in sorrow, flow over you.

Namaste,

Genevieve

The Blessing of Love on All that you Do!