The Longing to Be Loved

This article is part of my ongoing Series on Love.

As we enter the new year I have been thinking about the need for Love.

Longing for Love seems to be a common denominator of the human experience.

Have you ever wondered why love is so important?  Have you ever thought life would be a whole lot easier if you had never loved?  Have you ever wished that you did not have this deep need bursting inside of you to give love and the even more troublesome need to receive love?

Love seems to be an inconvenient essential in life.  Ironically, love is both the source of life’s greatest joys and life’s most profound sorrows.

Somehow, mystically and almost magically, learning to love is woven into the very fabric of life.  Both the urge to love and the heart-wrenching need to be loved can be inescapable.

Since love seems to be so essential in life, you might think it should not be the source of so much confusion and pain.  Since the need to love another and the need to be loved is so prevalent, you might think love would be easy to give, and easy to receive.  After all, love is something we all need and all long to give.

The Life Lesson of LOVE

Why, I have often asked myself as a counselor and life coach, is it so hard for people to learn how to love, and why is it so hard for people to let themselves receive love?  As I ponder this question, I am aware that I have come to believe that learning about love is one of the essential lessons of life.

As I say these words, I must clarify that I mean that love is much more than a life lesson, I mean that it is THE life lesson.  I believe it is the lesson life was created to learn.

The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence.
                      – Dalai Lama

Our world, our bodies, our life, is the simultaneous merging of what is material and temporal with what is eternal and spiritual; Love is what brings these two very diverse worlds together.  Part of the life lesson of love is learning what and how to love.  Confusing these issues is easy.

You must remember to love people and use things, rather than to love things and use people.
               –  Archbishop, Futon Sheen

The more I ponder and consider the meaning of life and my own life’s purpose I am aware that learning to love is the lesson we all are exploring in our life adventure.  The way we learn to love may be unique to each individual, but the theme expressed throughout a myriad of manifestations is consistent.

The future success of humanity is dependent upon love winning, we all, you and me, must learn to love.  Love is the underpinning for guiding and directing Right Human Relationships.  Love is more than the passionate emotions of longing and attachment that are often ascribed to it.

Love Can Be the Answer to All Life’s Questions

Love ironically can serve as the guide by which you can answer most if not all of life’s questions.  Since learning the lessons of Love seem to be the motivation behind life’s varied experiences I would like to suggest a little question I often asked myself when facing a decision.  That question is:

How is Love best served in this situation?

It is not a simple answer.  To give in and give someone what they want may not serve Love.  This is a lesson that any family member of someone plagued by an addiction of any kind has needed to learn.

Love is not best served when you harm yourself in the name of Love.  That is not Love.  That is not what love requires of you.  And, most importantly, that is not how you love unconditionally.

Misconceptions About Love

The Media and a multitude of “chick flicks” and romance novels propagate a lot of misinformation about Love.  What may make a good drama because it accurately reflects the pain and pathos of emotions is not the guide for how love is best served in life.

These illusions and glamours about love lead to lots of heart-brake and heart-ache as you strive to make Love into what it is not to meet these fantasy images.  That leads to a profound misunderstanding about the nature of love.  That misconception is that “Love Hurts.”

It is not Love that hurts.  It is unmet and unfulfilled expectations that hurt.  Again, I state, it is not Love that hurts.  It is actually the failure to Love that hurts.

To learn what Love is is essential.  However, it is of as much importance to learn what is Not Love.

This is particularly difficult when the person creating harm to you or pain in your life tells you that they love you.  It is important to understand what is not love, in order to free yourself from those who use the need to love and be loved as the basis for manipulating and harming you.  This false identification of love is sadly the most significant abuse of the innate desire to love and be loved.  It has left a string of broken hearts and broken lives across the planet.

Loving Yourself

Freeing Love from the illusions and misunderstandings that are often sold in the world as love requires understanding how to Love Yourself.

When you answer the question “How is Love Best Served?” loving yourself must also be considered.

Loving Yourself is an important life decision and an essential spiritual decision.  The result of the illusions and delusions about love that media’s misinformation campaign has created is that you are tempted and encouraged to accept abuse and pain in the name of love.  It is essential to discriminate and understand that criticism and abuse are not love.

Self-sacrifice is not noble.  Allowing yourself to be harmed is against what Love means. Part of Loving yourself is creating boundaries and honoring yourself.

Balancing what is right to give in a situation with the self-respect and honoring yourself is what loving demands.  It is the background against which learning to Love is played.

Sometimes giving someone what they want is not loving.  Sometimes is not even helpful when you consider the whole situation.  Woven into the answer to the question of “How is Loved Best Served?” is the awareness of the long-term implications of a situation, and the unintended consequences that can happen when you do not consider self-respect and harmlessness as part of the decision that is important.

This merging of the consideration of how Love is best served is stated eloquently by Shakespeare in Hamlet, Act 1 scene 78-82:

“This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Loving yourself, being true to yourself, taking care of yourself are all important parts of learning to love.  Not only learning to love yourself, but learning to love another.

The Longing to Be Loved & Give Love

The longing to be loved and the deep longing to give love are part of human nature.  Yet, the yearning to give love and express love is also a part of your Soul’s nature.  This makes Love both unique and important because it is in loving that your material and animal nature needs and desires can also express your Spiritual essence.

It is in this blending of your Soul (your Divine Spark) and your Personality (your body, emotions, and mind) that happens when you love another or are loved that a miracle happens.  That miracle is that something that is eternal is created in your temporal and material life.
                        – Genevieve Gerard

Love becomes the bridge in consciousness that opens you to the life of your Soul, whose nature is love and whose very essence is Love.

Love is what makes life worth living.  It is the core of personal joy and the essence of all meaningful relationships from friends to lovers.

Learning to Love weaves together in a fantastic life tapestry two essential lessons that make life work.  One is how to love yourself, and the other is how to love another.  In those lessons, you learn to express your dual nature as a human being and your Spiritual nature as a spark of Divine Light. Ponder on this.

 

Namaste,

   Genevieve

The Blessing of Love on all that you do!

 

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