Forgiveness: The Key to Freedom and Happiness

by Genevieve Gerard

I often said I would write an article entitled “Forgiveness, the Ultimate Act of Selfishness.”  However, this morning as I sit down to write it seems a more appropriate title would be “Forgiveness: The Key to Freedom and Happiness.”  We have all seen the results of a failure to forgive in mean, embittered old people who live lonely lives, blaming others for their misery and their lot in life. 

Shakespeare shared his insight on forgiveness’ grace in these lines from the
Merchant of Venice:

“The quality of mercy is not strain’d,

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven

Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:

It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.”[1]

Forgiveness may be a blessing to the one you forgive, but to you it offers a healing and freedom to move forward in your life that is much more powerful for you than it is for the one who is forgiven. 

When I have said this to people they frequently ask if forgiveness is warranted even when someone has done something that is unforgivable.  They ponder whether it is right to forgive someone of a truly heinous act.  My answer to this is always a resounding yes.  In forgiving someone there is always the possibility that the grace of forgiveness will allow them to truly see the error of their ways and thus bring about transformation. 

However, far more important is the grace that forgiveness offers you in freedom from the burdens of anger, hate, resentment, or sorrow that is harbored inside of you.  Carrying these old feelings burdens you in the present.  If past wrongs are continually brought into present time they are never really over.  As long as you carry the burden of your anger, hate and resentment the past is dominating your present.  You become inextricably bound to that old wrong as you carry it with you into the present, into the now.  By not forgiving and letting go, you allow the old wrong or hurt to color your whole life.

It is reminisant of an old Zen parable from Zen Flesh, Zen Bones called “The Muddy Road” about Tanzan and Ekido, two Buddhist monks, who were renunciates. 

Tanzan and Ekido were once traveling together down a muddy road.  A heavy rain was falling.  Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.  “Come on, girl” said Tanzan at once.  Lifting her in his arms he carried her over the mud.  Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple.  Then he could no longer restrain himself.  “We monks don’t go near females” he told Tanzan, “especially not young and beautiful ones.  It is dangerous.  Why did you do that?”

“I left the girl there.” said Tanzan.  “Are you still carrying her?”

So it is with us when we fail to forgive past wrongs.  We are required to carry them long beyond their time.  If you fail to forgive, the past limits your ability to fully appreciate and experience the gifts of the present, because these old harbored wrongs are filling your present time with useless baggage from another time and place.  In order to fully experience the freedom and the happiness that is granted to those who live in the now, it is necessary to let go of what you are bringing with you that is not a part of the now.  To do this you must forgive the people who caused all the old hurts, wrongs or resentments you are carrying with you.

Of course, there is often another element that must be faced.  In order to fully forgive you must make an honest assessment of any responsibility you may have had in the situation that resulted in your being hurt.  If after an honest assessment you find that you share any of the blame in bringing about this situation, you also must forgive yourself.

One final step in any situation where you find mutual responsibility is to allow yourself to be forgiven by the other.  All that is required is simply your openness to the energy of forgiveness from the other and does not require their active participation.

Forgiveness of old hurts and forgiveness of yourself is like dropping a heavy load that you have carried for far too long.  Once you have let go of it you may well find yourself wondering why you chose to carry it for so long.  Once you have let go of the old hurts, resentments and pains you will be free to experience what is happening and what is possible in the now. 

There is a tremendous freedom that comes from being able to cope with the challenges of the now, in the now.  Burdens are lightened and your perspective becomes clearer. Today’s challenges become sufficient for today. And, at last, you have the freedom to live your life fully, one day at a time, one moment at a time, blessed by the freedom of the eternal now.

Copyright © 2011 by Genevieve Gerard.  All rights reserved.