quotes by Shakespeare

The Longing to Be Loved

The Longing to Be Loved

Longing To Love by Genevieve Gerard

This article is part of my ongoing Series on Love.

As we enter the new year I have been thinking about the need for Love.

Longing for Love seems to be a common denominator of the human experience.

Have you ever wondered why love is so important?  Have you ever thought life would be a whole lot easier if you had never loved?  Have you ever wished that you did not have this deep need bursting inside of you to give love and the even more troublesome need to receive love?

Love seems to be an inconvenient essential in life.  Ironically, love is both the source of life’s greatest joys and life’s most profound sorrows.

Somehow, mystically and almost magically, learning to love is woven into the very fabric of life.  Both the urge to love and the heart-wrenching need to be loved can be inescapable.

Since love seems to be so essential in life, you might think it should not be the source of so much confusion and pain.  Since the need to love another and the need to be loved is so prevalent, you might think love would be easy to give, and easy to receive.  After all, love is something we all need and all long to give.

The Life Lesson of LOVE

Why, I have often asked myself as a counselor and life coach, is it so hard for people to learn how to love, and why is it so hard for people to let themselves receive love?  As I ponder this question, I am aware that I have come to believe that learning about love is one of the essential lessons of life.

As I say these words, I must clarify that I mean that love is much more than a life lesson, I mean that it is THE life lesson.  I believe it is the lesson life was created to learn.

The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence.
                      – Dalai Lama

Our world, our bodies, our life, is the simultaneous merging of what is material and temporal with what is eternal and spiritual; Love is what brings these two very diverse worlds together.  Part of the life lesson of love is learning what and how to love.  Confusing these issues is easy.

You must remember to love people and use things, rather than to love things and use people.
               –  Archbishop, Futon Sheen

The more I ponder and consider the meaning of life and my own life’s purpose I am aware that learning to love is the lesson we all are exploring in our life adventure.  The way we learn to love may be unique to each individual, but the theme expressed throughout a myriad of manifestations is consistent.

The future success of humanity is dependent upon love winning, we all, you and me, must learn to love.  Love is the underpinning for guiding and directing Right Human Relationships.  Love is more than the passionate emotions of longing and attachment that are often ascribed to it.

Love Can Be the Answer to All Life’s Questions

Love ironically can serve as the guide by which you can answer most if not all of life’s questions.  Since learning the lessons of Love seem to be the motivation behind life’s varied experiences I would like to suggest a little question I often asked myself when facing a decision.  That question is:

How is Love best served in this situation?

It is not a simple answer.  To give in and give someone what they want may not serve Love.  This is a lesson that any family member of someone plagued by an addiction of any kind has needed to learn.

Love is not best served when you harm yourself in the name of Love.  That is not Love.  That is not what love requires of you.  And, most importantly, that is not how you love unconditionally.

Misconceptions About Love

The Media and a multitude of “chick flicks” and romance novels propagate a lot of misinformation about Love.  What may make a good drama because it accurately reflects the pain and pathos of emotions is not the guide for how love is best served in life.

These illusions and glamours about love lead to lots of heart-brake and heart-ache as you strive to make Love into what it is not to meet these fantasy images.  That leads to a profound misunderstanding about the nature of love.  That misconception is that “Love Hurts.”

It is not Love that hurts.  It is unmet and unfulfilled expectations that hurt.  Again, I state, it is not Love that hurts.  It is actually the failure to Love that hurts.

To learn what Love is is essential.  However, it is of as much importance to learn what is Not Love.

This is particularly difficult when the person creating harm to you or pain in your life tells you that they love you.  It is important to understand what is not love, in order to free yourself from those who use the need to love and be loved as the basis for manipulating and harming you.  This false identification of love is sadly the most significant abuse of the innate desire to love and be loved.  It has left a string of broken hearts and broken lives across the planet.

Loving Yourself

Freeing Love from the illusions and misunderstandings that are often sold in the world as love requires understanding how to Love Yourself.

When you answer the question “How is Love Best Served?” loving yourself must also be considered.

Loving Yourself is an important life decision and an essential spiritual decision.  The result of the illusions and delusions about love that media’s misinformation campaign has created is that you are tempted and encouraged to accept abuse and pain in the name of love.  It is essential to discriminate and understand that criticism and abuse are not love.

Self-sacrifice is not noble.  Allowing yourself to be harmed is against what Love means. Part of Loving yourself is creating boundaries and honoring yourself.

Balancing what is right to give in a situation with the self-respect and honoring yourself is what loving demands.  It is the background against which learning to Love is played.

Sometimes giving someone what they want is not loving.  Sometimes is not even helpful when you consider the whole situation.  Woven into the answer to the question of “How is Loved Best Served?” is the awareness of the long-term implications of a situation, and the unintended consequences that can happen when you do not consider self-respect and harmlessness as part of the decision that is important.

This merging of the consideration of how Love is best served is stated eloquently by Shakespeare in Hamlet, Act 1 scene 78-82:

“This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Loving yourself, being true to yourself, taking care of yourself are all important parts of learning to love.  Not only learning to love yourself, but learning to love another.

The Longing to Be Loved & Give Love

The longing to be loved and the deep longing to give love are part of human nature.  Yet, the yearning to give love and express love is also a part of your Soul’s nature.  This makes Love both unique and important because it is in loving that your material and animal nature needs and desires can also express your Spiritual essence.

It is in this blending of your Soul (your Divine Spark) and your Personality (your body, emotions, and mind) that happens when you love another or are loved that a miracle happens.  That miracle is that something that is eternal is created in your temporal and material life.
                        – Genevieve Gerard

Love becomes the bridge in consciousness that opens you to the life of your Soul, whose nature is love and whose very essence is Love.

Love is what makes life worth living.  It is the core of personal joy and the essence of all meaningful relationships from friends to lovers.

Learning to Love weaves together in a fantastic life tapestry two essential lessons that make life work.  One is how to love yourself, and the other is how to love another.  In those lessons, you learn to express your dual nature as a human being and your Spiritual nature as a spark of Divine Light. Ponder on this.

 

Namaste,

   Genevieve

The Blessing of Love on all that you do!

 

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© 2017-2018 Genevieve Gerard and Touch of the Soul LLC. All Rights Reserved.

 

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Discover How To Love Yourself

Discover How To Love Yourself

Read Discover How To Love Yourself by Genevieve Gerard

What does it mean to love yourself?

Discovering how to love yourself is an essential part of good mental health and emotional wellbeing.

Loving yourself is also demonstrated by the ways you take care of your body, by eating well, sleeping well and giving yourself the things you need to thrive, to grow and to be successful and happy.

Loving your self is one of the first and important steps to a successful loving relationship.

It might seem that to love yourself is so basic that it is easy and natural. However, in my many years as a counselor and a coach, I have found that for many people this is a challenge.

There is a lot of glamour and illusion about what it means to love. That is true when it comes to relationships and especially true when it comes to loving yourself. Loving yourself, honoring yourself and respecting yourself are foundations of a loving and healthy relationship.

It is said, that before you can love someone else you must first love yourself. So ask yourself what you can do to learn to demonstrate self-love if you realize it lacks in your life. Take the very first step to understanding and acknowledge that you are worthy of being loved, exactly as you are. In one of my previous articles “The Greatest Love”, there are eight affirmations you might find helpful in this process. (I have provided a link to that article at the bottom of this article.)

Relationships with others, especially romantic relationships, all too often fail to result in the fantasy of “happily ever after.” To sustain a real relationship you need to establish realistic boundaries of what you are willing to give in a relationship and what is not acceptable in a relationship. Knowing yourself, respecting yourself and being true to yourself in a relationship is vital.

Shakespeare said it well in Hamlet with Polonius’s advice to his son.

To thine own self be true. And it shall follow as the night to the day, thou can’st not be false to any man.

Being true to yourself and honest in your agreement’s with loved ones are critical.

My grandmother once gave me the sage advice:

Don’t put up with the first day in a relationship behavior you are not willing to accept for the rest of your life.

When I think of the times and ways that I failed to heed that advice, I see many of my life’s mistakes that could have been avoided in friendships, in romances and even in business relationships.

How To Love Yourself

Integral to my grandmothers advice is to both know and respect yourself, and honor and love yourself, as someone who is both deserving of love and who loves themselves.

It is wise to honor yourself, know yourself and then, in any new relationship consider what is acceptable to you. In this way, you are true to yourself, and you are beginning a new relationship open to a future built on honesty and mutual respect. This establishes a context in which you can learn to love one another, grow and thrive together.

A part of learning to love yourself is letting yourself both accept and receive the love that is all around you. There are so many ways that you can demonstrate your love and so many ways that love can enrich your life. Love is something that spans all of your relationships. It guides your relationships with friends, with family, and lovers. It is integral to your relationship with the Divine.

Love is available for you. Open your life to it. Love is all around you. Let yourself accept the love that is coming to you, from relations and God. Your Soul is an unlimited source for loving yourself. I have found you can open yourself to that love and receive that love directly through meditation.

Love truly makes the world go around and is fundamental and reflected in all of your relationships. Loving yourself is a guideline you can use in all of your relationships.

Accepting and appreciating Divine Love affirms that you are a spark of Divine Light, and you are worthy of receiving love. Using the love of God and the love that your Soul brings to you, demonstrates to you what it means to love.

Having received love, you are also a source for love in the world.
        – Genevieve Gerard

An essential element of your ability to love is also your ability to love yourself. In the love that you give, you can be a blessing to others. Ponder on this.

When you love someone, you value and appreciate who they are and accept them. The same is true about loving yourself. You are unique and special. Appreciate, accept and enjoy who you are.

You are not perfect, but there is no reason you should be. Treat yourself with the compassion you would show to another. You have made mistakes in your life. Forgive yourself. There are faults and issues you are striving to resolve. Be gentle with yourself.

You are in an ongoing process of growing, transforming and becoming more and more of the person you are meant to be. Support that in yourself, for yourself.

Life is all about learning lessons. No mistake is meaningless if you have learned from it and grown from it. When you show patience and compassion for yourself, it becomes easier to show patience and compassion to others.

By forgiving yourself, you become a more forgiving person. The compassion and grace that you open up to become available in all of your relationships. As you learn to accept and respect yourself, you are also learning how to accept and respect others.

Learning to love yourself is an ongoing lesson in how to love, that makes you a better person. By loving yourself, you are demonstrating the skills and behaviors that are needed to demonstrate your love to others.

Ultimately, you know love because God loves you unconditionally and this love is shown to you with unlimited forgiveness, profound grace, and acceptance. When you let yourself accept and receive this love you are empowered to be a force for love in the world. You become a better person, a happier person and a more successful person.

You can be love, give love, demonstrate love with respect and honor for both yourself and others. The more you love, the more joy that comes into your life and the happier you become.

Namaste,

   Genevieve

The Blessing of Love on all that you do!

 

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Last updated 2-28-2019

 

Copyright © 2014-2019 Genevieve Gerard and Touch of the Soul LLC, All Rights Reserved.

 

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